How Are You, Really with Linwood Paul & Matt D'Amour of Subtle Distinctions
Today we hear from Linwood Paul and Matt D’Amour about how honestly we answer the question: how are you? Together, Linwood and Matt are co-founders of Subtle Distinctions, a business that offers integrative coaching for individuals, business leaders, and their teams. They help others make great decisions, exceed their goals, and create thoughtful leaders from the inside out.
Matt talks to Linwood about why sincerely asking others how they’re doing is such an important opportunity to establish a new connection or to nourish an existing one. We learn that there are three connection levels which include being curious, skillful, or respectful. We also need to be mindful of our answers when responding to such questions.
As Linwood tells us, we often formulate pre-packaged answers as a means of protecting ourselves or simply not taking a moment to look inward. To find out how you can move outside of your own pre-packed responses and how you can experiment with asking people how they are, be sure to join us today!
Key Points From This Episode:
Why asking somebody how they are is a chance to develop your connection.
Hear about the three relationship levels that are addressed when asking someone how they are.
How listeners can use these three levels more deeply.
Some of the pre-packed responses that people tend to share.
Why people default to pre-packaged responses when asked how they are doing.
Ways you can move outside of your pre-packaged responses.
How you can experiment with asking people how they are.
Tweetables:
“Today we are going to talk about the question, ‘how are you?’ as it relates to the ability to connect with others more meaningfully to get to know ourselves on a deeper level.” — Matt D’Amour [0:01:27]
“We like to look at relationships as having three levels — the levels have to do with how you see the relationship that you have with the person that has asked after you.” — Linwood Paul [0:03:41]
“I told my lady the other day that when I talk to a person on a customer service call, I want to be the guy that made their day.” — Linwood Paul [0:04:44]
“Learn to look. Because most people, when asked how they are, they don’t look into themselves. They don’t look to see how they’re doing, it’s just a formality — a thing that we do.” — Linwood Paul [0:05:46]
“The pre-packed response is a couple of things. Firstly it is convenient. Another reason people create a pre-packaged answer is because of their nervous system.” — Linwood Paul [0:07:03]
“Sharing authentically and openly with others how you’re feeling, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to disclose and dump all the details.” — Matt D’Amour [0:08:26]
“Make eye contact. As corny as that sounds and as old school as that has always been, take a moment so you are not only learning to look inside of yourself, but you are learning to look by making that connection with the eyes.” — Linwood Paul [0:11:57]
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Linwood Paul on LinkedIn
Matt D’Amour on LinkedIn
Subtle Distinctions
Brad Blanton
